RSVPeeved: “As Maid of Honor, Can I Bail on This Super-Stupid Wedding-Related Event?”

Written on June 20, 2011 by Cody Whitefoord

For the record, Im the one who called this event super-stupid, not the reader!

Writes Save the Date reader Charlotte:

Im the maid of honor in a childhood friends wedding this weekend. I planned her shower and bachelorette partyand drove 15 hours to attend each. Im returning to my hometown two days before the wedding to help with last-minute errands and decoration-making.

Yesterday (six days before the wedding) the mother of the bride sent the bridesmaids an e-mail saying that shed decided to host a gift unwrapping at her church on Sunday, the morning after the wedding. She wanted to know what part of the event wed all be able to help with (organizing gifts after the bride opens them, helping transport the presents to the bride and groom’s apartment, etc.). She estimates the gift unwrapping will last five hours.

I feel bad saying this, but I dont want to go! Im already burned out. I wish Id at least gotten some more notice so I could have mentally prepared myself for another long day in this wedding marathon. Our flight doesn’t leave til Monday morning, so I could technically make it. But, honestly, I was looking forward to spending the day showing my boyfriend my hometown and having lunch with my parentswho I never get to seenot serving punch and watching someone open 250 gifts. This is a sticky situation because the bride takes things really personally: She cried because three people shed invited couldnt make it to her shower.

None of the 12 weddings Ive been to has had a gift unwrapping. Do I have to go? Do I have your blessing to apologize profusely and say Ive already made other plans?

Here are my thoughts:

Well, I used the words super-stupid for a reason.

Its completely unfair for the bride and her mother to monopolize even more of your time when youve already put so much time and energy into this wedding.

I get that the bride wants to spend every last minute with out-of-town friends, but this gift unwrapping feels less about enjoying each others company and more about pawning off some grunt work on friends in the name of quality time. If anything, the bride should have invited you and your boyfriend over for a thank-you brunch, even if they cant afford to host a breakfast for every wedding guest. (Seriously. It sounds to me like youve gone above and beyond.) Her mom had no business committing you to a random eventthat, for the record, Ive never heard of.

Since you mentioned the bride is sensitive, go ahead and call herdont go through her mom. Id say, I just got an e-mail from your mom about the last-minute gift unwrapping. Id love to help, but Ive already made a bunch of plans for that day, and I cant bail on such short notice. Of course Im still coming two days early to help tie up all your loose ends, so Im sure well get to spend a bunch of time together then. Id be happy to drop off bagels for everyone Sunday morning, but Ill only be able to stay for 30 minutes before I have to meet my parents. And of course I cant wait for you guys to come out to visit us once youre back from your honeymoon.

Seems to me she owes you a 15-hour road trip or two!

To be clear: I consider being a bridesmaid an honor and I know that the job comes with certain expectations. (You have to buy the dress, help plan the shower, etc.) And I think its important for a bridesmaid to play the part with a smile, as long as the brides being reasonable. If Charlotte were saying, I dont wanna plan a shower … Id tell her to suck it up. But I dont think this brides request is fair or reasonableand I dont think Charlotte needs to cater to a selfish friend, no matter how sensitive she is.

Ladies, what do you think? Have you heard of a gift unwrapping? Is it something thats generally organized six days before the wedding? Does Charlotte have to attend her friends? Or can she blow it off guilt-free?

Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? E-mail me!

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